few posts back, I wrote about my ginger role models. In the spirit of sharing with you more people that make life seem a little more okay when people are being stupid, I made a list for some of my role models that just so happen to be badass women.
If dictionaries still existed in our modern society, I would tell you to look up ‘badass’ and you would see a picture of Ellen Ripley as played by Sigourney Weaver in the major motion pictures Alien,Aliens, Alien 3, and Alien: Resurrection. But since dictionaries went the way of Britney Spears’ original hair, I’m telling you with my words that Ellen Ripley is the original badass.
She blew up the space ship and saved the cat! She carried around this kid for an entire movie. She did it all while wearing an appropriate amount of clothing for battling aliens in outer space. Ellen Ripley is like Batman; She’s the hero we deserve. Until we get more formidable female characters like her, I guess we’ll just have to settle for Rihanna’s character in Battleship.
What do you mean by “she was the villain in Devil Wears Prada?” I saw that movie, I own the DVD, and I’m sure she was definitely the hero. She got to tell off Anne Hathaway’s character! Anne Hathaway is the worst! Even my dog is sick of Anne Hathaway!
She said mean things like “By all means move at a glacial pace. You know how that thrills me” and “Florals? For spring? Ground breaking” and “Details of your incompetence do not interest me.” If I ever have the misfortune of working in an office (or, really, even having a job), I’m going to conduct myself exactly like Miranda Priestly. And I’ll probably be fired because I’m not a character based on ice queen Anna Wintour and played by Meryl Streep. I’m not fabulous. But Miranda Priestly is. And thus, why I aspire to be exactly like her. Plus, she rocks the silver hair better than my boo Anderson Cooper.
I don’t believe in a lot of things, but I believe in Leslie Knope.
Leslie Knope is the Coach Taylor of female TV politicians. She could tell me to kill a la Charles Manson and I would ask which Beatles song lyrics she wanted to me wipe in my victim’s blood on their front door. That wasn’t a weird thing to admit, right? Okay, good.
Leslie Knope is so badass that she won an election in which her opponent was Paul Rudd. I probably would have voted for Leslie Knope. And I love Paul Rudd! So by the laws of transitive properties (and I’m not a physicist so my math could be wrong,) that means Leslie has to be pretty awesome.
Not only is Arya Stark the most badass girl-woman in the entire Game of Thrones series, she’s the most badass person. And she’s like 11! People love to talk about the boobs on the HBO adaptation of George R. R. Martin’s books, but they forget to mention that the women of the series are the strongest characters in the world of Westeros. They’re resilient, they’re tough, they somehow carry on living in a society in which they are nothing more than a set of breasts.
And rising above all the other women is little Arya Stark. She rejected the sewing needles and took up a sword. She killed like a ton of guys. She cut off her hair!
My day-to-day life couldn’t be more different than the one Arya is living but I try and be a little like her when I’m living it. Like if I go out to eat and I’m not pleased with what I’m being served, I throw the bowl of soup in the waiter’s face and proclaim “Winterfell!” and then I run out of that restaurant before the cops get there. This girl don’t need no mo’ felonies, you know what I mean?
Much to the consternation of my therapist, when I sat down and watched Charlize Theron in Young Adult it was like an epiphany. Everything clicked. I identified with this horrid woman. Here was a lady who liked her alcohol, who thought a baby was ugly and wasn’t afraid to say so, who believed she was better than the people she went to high school with. This woman was me!
Sure, literally every review of the movie made mention of how terrible and wretched the critic believed Mavis to be. But hey, movie critics, not everyone is perfect. A lot of us strongly relate to Mavis. Either because we’ve attended an old flame’s baby shower and ruined it, or we attempted to win back that old flame without caring that said old flame has a wife and a baby and a lame job in a boring town. Or because we’re awful too. W/e.
Three words: Hillary Clinton texting.
Sally Draper has the sass of a woman twice her age. She’s growing up with (fat) Betty Francis for a mom and she’s turning out to be pretty awesome. Only someone that is a total badass could do that. And when Sally’s not dealing with her demon of a mother, she has to spend time with that stepmonster Megan. Ugh. More like Zooby Zooby POO, am I right? lol smgdh
I’ve always said that if I grow up to be half the woman Sally Draper is, I’ll be okay.